It has been quite a quiet but eventful two years since debutante singer, Aneil, released her first single “Let Me Be” on June 25, 2015 on the WordFoodMusic label. This young singing aspirant was not bothered much when her single was released without fanfare or the “required” press and public relations pieces. In fact, this non publicity is quite typical among Do It Yourself (DYI) artistes who struggle to balance the music and the business.
However, at times, the lack of puffery and fanfare can be a blessing in disguise as it can allow the artiste to focus on the art instead of on the craft.
Accordingly, despite the lack of fanfare, “Let Me Be” quickly copped the “Big Tune” award on Roots 96.1 FM in Kingston on June 28, 2015. On September 6, Aneil did her debut concert performance at the Grace Atlanta Caribbean Jerk Festival in Georgia, USA; followed up with a September 17, live radio interview with DJ Roy on Irie Jam Radio 93.5 FM in New York. (Watch the concert and the interview by clicking the link or photo belowhttps://www.youtube.com/watch?v=NNb6OEHvu-4).
A few days later, on September 19, Aneil was guest performance at the Konekt-Dat band Showcase in Manhattan, New York and closed Summer 2015 with a live radio interview with Glen Simmonds on WRFG 89.3 FM, Atlanta, USA on October 19.
2016 saw Aneil continuing with the honing of her theatrical skills with the Aneil and Friends Concert series at Comfitanya in St. Andrew Jamaica. The series kicked of with Cameal Davis, D’Vercity and Delroy Melody on April 30, 2016 and since then other acts/friends included Abijah, Asante Amen, Chinna, Carl Dawkins Jr, Jordan Mais and the Rebelistic band, the Legend band, and more. The series continues with next show in July 2017. Aneil has also done cameo performances at Triple Century and is a pleasant staple at formal functions at the University of Technology, Jamaica.
Born Anita Neil in 1991 in St. Andrew, and nurtured in St. Ann, Aneil has developed from church choir girl (1999 – 2005), to Music band opening act (2003 – 2006, sharing stage with popular artistes such as Leroy Sibles, Richie Spice and the late Edi Fitzroy.)
Academically inclined, in 2006, Aneil took a hiatus from music and, inter alia, successfully completed her Bachelor’s of Science degree in Management Studies at the University of the West Indies and developed her skills in customer service. A lover of animals and children and armed with a gorgeous voice, potent lyrics and a sense of purpose, Aneil re-entered the music scene in 2014 and has been prodding along the milestones on her journey.
Aneil’s debut “Let Me Be” is an original song written by her and recorded at Stage One Studios, Jamaica under the guidance of Grub Cooper of Fab Five Band. Interestingly, Grub Cooper also helped in coining Aneil’s recording and stage name. The song was released in MP3 format on iTunes, Amazon and other digital stores June 25, 2017.
As DJ Roy commented on Irie Jam 93.5 FM, “I don’t claim to be the authority on music, but I have an ear for music and the first time I heard the song (Let Me Be) I said, Great Song”. (Click on the picture and listen on YouTube and agree or disagree).
Since the release of the song, Aneil has silently been building up a small loyal fan base that will prove of immense value for entering a dynamic and rigid music industry. Her second single, “This is love” is being fine-tuned for a mid-summer release. Click to listen a sneak preview”.
Aneil’s journey continues and Summer 2017 will be the one filled with love. Keep up with the journey on:
I have a sad story to tell you. No, more like an unfortunate state of affairs to share or is it that I have an issue? Maybe, but it is more like a complaint but then again, I don’t complain much. Do I? Hmmm, let’s just say, I have something to blog about. (The thesaurus is not working tonight so forgive me if the words don’t fit well).
Here is what happened. Not sure, if you were aware, but Sunday June 19 was designated Father’s Day. If you were not aware, it is okay. In fact every day is father’s day in my world but the recent custom seem to designate a Sunday in June as the day when we recognize “fathers” including the many super mothers who double as fathers because of DNA (Daddy Not Around). Many of my friends say Father’s Day is really a commercial thing but at least it gives some folks a chance to fuss about their dads and make them feel special. Hmm. Maybe we will consider a Son’s Day, Daughter’s Day, Wife’s Day, Husband’s Day etc.
You might be asking, what is my problem? Do I have a grouse with Father’s Day or what? What am I blogging about? Well. I don’t have a grouse with Father’s Day. It was what happened on Father’s Day that concerned me. You see, Father’s Day 2016 was sad, very sad. I had to choose between being sensitive about my friend’s emotions and being a real friend: talking the truth.
You see, many times we are misled and even taken advantage of by people and organizations that we would not, even for a minute, expect such behaviour from. The painful part is not that we got shafted as in life we can expect to get used, abused and refused. The hurtful part is when we are taken advantage of by someone we loved, respected and trusted. Yet, it is now so common to be ripped off that regrettably, abnormal has become normal.
Yes. It has become such a sport to “exploit” people that many individuals and organizations delve into the art and science of persuading and confusing. It is fun for some to get much from none. In Jamaica, we say “tricks in trade and mischievous in business” and in college we were taught that “figures don’t lie, but liars figure”.
Here is what happened. A friend of mine was telling me he got a big bottle of Motts 100% apple juice as a gift for Father’s Day. Okay. Cool. So what? Well. You could see the gratification and pleasure on his face as this was the first gift he had got from his estranged son. According to him “It is years I have not had any real natural apple juice, and my boy bought me the real thing. I am so glad. I can’t afford it. Too expensive but it is worth every cent. 100% juice”.
Fooling some people sometimes
You might be wondering what so sad about a son giving his dad a bottle of 100% Apple Juice on Father’s day. Even if it was given because of a ritual or commercial ritual, what’s sad about that? Isn’t the fact that he gave the gift of a 100% apple juice to his dad a glad thing? It might be feint and choreographed but he made his dad glad not sad on Father’s Day. Right?
True but here is the sad part. It is not so much Father’s Day or the gift. It was the deception. You see, as I looked at the glee on his face, I found it hard to tell him it was mainly water that was in the bottle of Motts’ 100% Apple Juice. What? Now you see what I mean. The son passed off a drink of water and apple juice to his dad as a bottle of 100% Apple juice. By the way, the son didn’t knowingly passed it off. You see, he got hoodwinked by the supermarket where he bought it. What? Hoodwinked at a reputable supermarket? (There goes the lack of thesaurus again).
Yeah, he was deceived. Should mention though that there is a high chance the supermarket was also deluded by the producer, in this case, Motts. What? The bottle of Motts 100% Apple Juice bought at the reputable supermarket was mainly water and Motts is to be blamed mostly. Well, to be honest, the government is in complicity directly or indirectly too. Wait, is this some kind of conspiracy theory? The government is helping Motts to sell water as #100% juice? Explain that so a child can understand or else be careful. Please bear in mind that the bottle clearly state contains 100% Apple Juice and even elementary kids know that a 100% of something mean there is nothing else.
My point. That is the sad part and to be Frank or Honest or Clifton, that is the worrying part too. I hope you understand my dilemma. How does one tell a happy dad that his son bought him a bottle of water passed off as 100% apple juice? How does one explain that it is not his son’s fault but the producer’s, the supermarket’s and the government’s fault? How does one tell the truth and not have the truth provoke contentions and #startamovement?
Facing the music
Mark you, I am not a trouble maker. I gave enough trouble as a child to serve me for two lifetimes for three persons, but as Albert Einstein once said, The world is a dangerous place; not because of those who do evil, but because of those who look on and do nothing.
Actually, I am faced with this issue every day I go shopping. You see I am first and foremost a domesticated dad of a very talented debutant singer named Aneil (check her out aneilmusic.com) but I am also a marketer by profession and career. So on most occasions, I wear a cool cap as dad and a hot hat as a marketer. As a dad, I love shopping and as many parents know, shopping until you are dropping can be real fun.
However, as a marketer, when I am shopping and dropping I have no fun. Honestly, I feel like am being bowled over and floored and at times even feel as if I am being mauled at the Mall. (Oops , thesaurus again).
Back to my story, and the #100%juice. “I am not comfortable with folks selling my friends and me a bottle containing mainly water passed off as 100% juice for megabucks in reputable organizations made by reputable organizations. It borders on trickery, false, misleading and dishonesty.”
Facts Vs Figures
Look at the picture and as they taught us in law course, “res ipsa loquitor’ – the thing speaks for itself.
Yes, you see the 100% juice is noticeable, big, pronounced, bold, standing tall ..(sigh thesaurus again) and can be seen from far away on the front. However, you have to literally drop to the ground to read the small print on the bottle, which is at the back of the bottle hidden from view that lists the contents as water, apple juice concentrate and ascorbic acid. Wait a minute. The first ingredient is water in a bottle of 100% Apple Juice? What does this mean?
Let me quickly share a legal packaging requirement with you: Ingredients for a product should be listed in descending order with the ingredient that is the most in terms of volume, weight and size being listed first. Simply put, put the most first. If water is listed first it means that water is the majority of the content. If apple juice is listed first it means that apple juice is the majority of the content. By extension, if apple juice alone is listed it means ALL of the content is a 100% juice. Ask yourself the question: What is the case with the Motts 100% juice? Is apple the only thing listed as the ingredient?
Not saying Motts, is telling lies. Motts did say CONTAIN 100% juice, not that the entire bottle is 100% apple juice. Let’s look at it this way: if Motts pours 100% apple juice in the bottle to say a ¼ full and then pour in water for the other ¾, it would not have lied. The bottle does contain 100% juice, albeit, the entire content is not 100% juice. This should cover all legal requirements? Right? Sigh. Liars can figure eh? Well. Hmmm.
Now you see what I mean about the government’s complicity due to the allowance of this technicality. Sigh, a ¼ bottle of juice and ¾ bottle of water can be sold as a bottle of 100% juice and priced as juice? Technically, the jury could still be out on this one but as Nikola Tesla would say: ” is a beggar dressed in purple clothes and made king using dazzling mathematics that obscure truth”. Figures don’t lie but liars can figure.
Seriously now, who does that? You would be surprised. It is more like, who doesn’t do that. If you believe that Motts is the only “culprit” (thesaurus again), then you are wrong. A growing number of food and drink companies are labeling their products “all natural” or 100% juice in an attempt to attract health-concerned customers in order to improve their bottom line and get in the black. Do you feel deceived though?
Guilty as charged.
I was also looking at some of the shady guys or culprits that were caught and prosecuted. (Thesaurus again). It was surprising to find out that top brands such as Pepsi (Naked Juice), Kashi and General Mills were included.
In 2011, Naked Juice was forced to retract their claim that their juice was “100% fruit” and “all natural.” The juice company, owned by Pepsi, was actually including ascorbic acid and synthetic sources of fiber in their beverages — proving that “all natural” and #100% can be fairly meaningless buzzwords. The complaint points out that the “front-of-package promises that the product is ‘ALL NATURAL’ and ‘100% JUICE.’
It was held by the Court that a reasonable consumer would not assume that defendants were being deceptive and would not know to read the very-fine-print ingredient label.
PepsiCo Inc. agreed to settle for a $9 million lawsuit where each customer could receive up to US$75 in accordance to the company’s false, misleading and deceptive advertisements. Other companies, such as Kashi and General Mills Inc. faced an identical dispute for using GMOs, or genetically modified organisms, while claiming to be #100percent natural and containing no artificial ingredients.
So the sad thing about that Father’s Day scenario was that in 2016, one would hope that manufacturers and sellers are fair and honest and are respecting customers who they say is the KING. #Caveatemptor (let the buyer beware) should not be a rally cry for customers in modern times. After all, legislation such as the Fair Competition Act of 1993, consumer movements, discerning customers and competition should have forced sellers to recognize #caveatvenditor (let the seller beware).
So as you have seen, it wasn’t Father’s Day that was my issue. I had the dilemma of keeping quiet, not rock the boat and let my friend enjoy his “watery” bottle of 100% Apple Juice or tell him the truth and allow him to become distrustful of companies, supermarkets and government. Worse, turn him into an ardent advocate against false and misleading advertisement and he #startamovement. Sadly, it seemed I rocked the boat.
P.S. FEEL FREE. BE FREE
Interestingly, today, August 1 is Emancipation Day in Jamaica. Emancipation Day is celebrated in many former British colonies in the Caribbean in recognition of the August 1, 1838 declaration by Britain to set the slaves “free”. “Free” borders on false or misleading but suffice to say we do need to free the captive and their captors as both are in mental slavery. Marcus Garvey said it nicely in Nova Scotia in October 1937: “We are going to emancipate ourselves from mental slavery because whilst others might free the body, none but ourselves can free the mind. Mind is your only ruler, sovereign. The man who is not able to develop and use his mind is bound to be the slave of the other man who uses his mind….”
You are getting ready for that first physical link up? Maybe it is a job interview or a hot first date. Do you go as you really are or do you prepare an Oscar winning performance bearing in mind “first impression counts.” Of course common sense or sense not common, seems to tell us to be on our best. As a matter of fact, maybe we could Google and read articles on the 101 of how to win that job interview or how to woo him/her on that first date. After all, if you fail to plan you are planning to fail and Proper Preparation Prevents Poor Performance.
If the job or date requires a particular orientation or etiquette, we could spend a tidy sum in time, effort and money preparing for the event accordingly. Remember, we know what they want so we can PLAY the part. Reads good so far. Yet, imagine an introvert who is an accountant by trade applying for a marketing or a sales promotion job that requires lots of outdoor, social and networking activities. Is that cheating and don’t get me wrong. I am not saying an accountant cannot be a marketer or a coach potato cannot be the life of the party. Actually, based on my training in accounts and marketing, anyone can be an accountant or marketer or both. One of my favourite Albert Einstein quotes in essence says “It’s not that I’m so smart, it’s just that I stay with problems longer.” Perspiration mostly.
The thought being prompted is that if first impression counts so much, does it make us become cheats if we prepare a first impression that is really not lasting but hopefully will count in the decision making process. Meaning it was done to mislead in order to get the job or spouse. It also begs the question, could we truly say we know our spouse and coworker or our employer if their first and second and umpteenth act is based on “first impression counts”. The “representative” you sent on your interview or date, is that person fully you or half or none of you.
WHO IS SHE?
A quick reflection on the story where this toddler (Tommy), sat on the bed watching his mom getting ready for work in the morning. She is a typical hardworking 9 am – 5 pm worker. As she puts on her fandangle (lip stick, face cream and make up, etc), combs her hair then puts on her clothes for work, Tommy watched her intently, unblinkingly. She had just transformed right in front of his eyes. She certainly looked much different now. As his mom kissed him good bye, see you later, Tommy looked quizzically at his mom, hugged her tightly, and in an almost uncertain manner whispered in her ear, “Mom, which one is really you?”
It should be easy to understand a child’s wondering who his/her parents are based on the many roles parents play. S/He is too young to realize that his parents have multiple roles to play of nurturer, protector, guidance counselor, wife/lover, worker and most importantly friend. Sometimes these roles are so conflicting that it makes transforming from say, a house wife to a busy career woman in less than a hour, nothing short of magic.
Tommy’s adrenaline rush and WOW feel is understandable for a child but have you ever had the urge or need to ask your spouse or coworker or friend “which one is really you?”.
ACTORS AND ACTRESSES
Aneil in her debut single, Let Me Be, has a verse that resonates like a job application interview :
“Let me be your upliftment, The one that pushes you beyond limits,
The only one, your everything, Let me be your girl.”
Can she really uplift and push her love beyond its limits. Should she be the only one to try and why? Suppose her love doesn’t really want to be pushed beyond limits or be uplifted. Suppose he had given her that impression but it was only on a first impression counts strategy. Does she really know him? Would that amount to being a cheat.
Indeed, most people prepare for an interview or a date as they do for an exam or a play. They get the script, rehearse it and strive for an Oscar winning performance. They refresh or update their knowledge on interviews dos and don’ts, etiquette, and of course prepare a resume tailored for the organization doing the interview.
Sometimes we go as far as renting “appropriate garments” and even though we are “late bugs” we take great pains to arrive early because the script demands punctuality. This is all good, “First Impression counts” but there is this joke by a popular comedian “ If you see a man opening his car door for a woman, most likely the car is new or the woman is new”. What about after the newness is gone? If he no longer open doors for her is that cheating?
The merits of this joke are debatable but one thing is almost sure: most people’s action on a first date or interview is contrived. At business school, they forced us to remember that according to the Hawthorne Effect, individuals modify or improve an aspect of their behavior in response to their awareness of being observed or monitored. In other words, people are more focused when they are being watched or measured as in an interview or during the first couple of dates.
We are not looking at honesty in regards to basic facts such as name, age, occupation, gender and criminal record. If someone lies about these small matters, he or she is rehearsing to lie on bigger things. Script are no script, liars are many time bed persons with thieves and I won’t mention the occasional killer. Neither is this article focusing on honesty based on infidelity or adultery which is already a typical moral issue. The type of honesty and cheating being focused on here is misrepresentation based on pretending or acting.
Most artiste by trade know the Hawthorne Effect as their main principle is that when you are on a stage, act. The big thing about this well meant premise in the arts is that it is done on stage and the Play, Concert or Film doesn’t last a life time. At best, 2 hours. In a job interview or a relationship, it has lifelong implications and sending one of your “representative” to the interview/date doesn’t give the person a chance to get to know the real you.
It is cheating. If you are not a punctual person, you should turn up late for the interview and or let the interviewer or date knows that you are not really a punctual person to meetings but you are very good at delivering assignments on time. Don’t get me wrong, if you know that after the interview or date, you wont be late anymore, well thumbs up to being early as this is the new you. Just saying, don’t act. Be real.
If you are grumpy, don’t like movies, and wouldn’t care two hoots about visiting national monuments and sites, don’t pretend that you do. Tell your interviewer or date. If you hate birthday clubs, parties and drunkards, tell your interviewer or date. Anything else is cheating and your boss or spouse will not really know you until it is too late.
TO THYSELF BE TRUE
Okay, so what if you spoke the truth and lost that job or that gorgeous spouse prospect? Well, their loss. They just missed out on a genuine honest person. Also, getting a job or spouse that you did an Oscar performance act to get but which is against your real core values and self can result in frustration. Not only are your boss and spouse given a sham, but personally you have done yourself an injustice that can lead to common life style symptoms such as ulcer, tumours, and migraine.
So more importantly, it is not a job or date that was lost due to honesty that is important but the job or spouse that you gained while being you. Not a representative but 100% you.
Doing the thing you love and loving the thing you do is such fun it is not a chore. If you are being true to yourself, your happiness is evident and so will the employer or date that picks you. So for the interview or that hot date, don’t send a representative. Turn up as you. First impression counts but when getting a job or spouse be yourself as this is where you “count impressions first”.
Einstein puts it neatly, “ Not everything that counts can be counted, and not everything that can be counted counts”
Last year, June 2015, my daughter, Aneil, released her first music single called “Let Me Be” on the Word, Food and Music label. It is basically a beautiful song that gives a youthful perspective of love.
The first verse starts out as follows:
“I got a scare today when you left and didn’t stop to say bye, I thought I lost you.
I admit I can be a bit overbearing but let me explain why, It’s cause I love you”. Aneil – Let Me Be – June 2015
Since then I have been asking myself the question: What is love? Shamefully, I must admit, I don’t know what love is or more correctly I am not sure what love is. By the way, do you know what love is? Have you ever been in love? Are you in love? I did ask a few friends “what is the true meaning of love?” Some said it is giving, sharing, caring, selflessness, kindness and those glorious glittery words. Some say it is sexual intimacy: that mushy feeling, hanging up the phone and calling back. Those can’t sleep, can’t eat moments. A few friends said that love is pain, stress, heartache and headache with even a smaller amount saying love is punitive, jealous, bias and self centred.
Yes, it seems love is all these things and then some. Comfortingly, the Oxford Dictionary doesn’t seem to know what love is either. According to the dictionary, Love is affection and fondness but the same Dictionary said fondness is love and affection. I rest my case. So, what is love? Do you feel that you are seated comfortably on the stool of love in your life and relationship?
FINDING LOVE AND RELATIONSHIP
In a relationship or marriage, two persons decide to become one so it is necessary to determine from early “which one?” Is it the male, the female or the unified unit as one. Importantly too, just as how we all know AIR is important to all living things, similarly, in relationships, there is a vital type of AIR (Attention, Interest and Respect) that is also needed. Normally, the stronger the AIR, the stronger is the relationship. A relationship consisting of multiple mind rocking orgasms and body tingling sexual experiences; socializing with partners’ friends; getting gifts such as sweets or roses and Victoria Secret lingerie’ intellectually and meaningful conversations, simple nature visits to the park and hanging out at the beach; volunteering with many of the philanthropic organizations are all important in living life and in relationships.
A proper combination of sex, friendship, share/care and spiritual growth leads to increased chances of success as love would be seated firmly on the “four legged stool of love”.
Indeed, Love is such a lovely thing that sadly, sometimes, we spend a lifetime pursuing it instead of living our lives. Yeah, most of us talk about finding love as if Love is lost and waiting to be found. We join organizations; go church, go clubs, sign up for online social sites and get smart phones all with the intention of finding love, true love. Sadly, many never found love and many have fallen but not in love. In fact so many of us have fallen and broken into pieces after maybe weeks or months of sitting on a stool that has one or two legs. Unconsciously, we fall in and out of love just like the seasons of North America.
Seriously, some of these love failures then go around and break other people’s heart as a hobby. If not careful, we become cold, insensitive and cynical about new “love”. The saddest part is that sometimes marriage and children result from these “love” affairs.
The truth of the matter is that many of us who go searching for love are ourselves loveless. We confuse great sex, or financial comfort with love. Also, we talk about finding our other half as if to say we are not whole beings. The important thing is that whether 25/75 or 99/1, together both partners must complement each other in order to be complimented.
THE FOUR LEGGED STOOL OF LOVE
As seen, we can all say we love but it is hard to determine or even explain Love. Love is a special and complicated emotion that does affect our heartbeat but the emotions and feelings associated with love are found in the brain. It’s the brain and not the heart that generates chemical signals to make us understand love whether platonic or sexual. Does this mean that love or the conditions for love can be created?
Indeed, love or a relationship can be seen as a stool with four important legs to accommodate firm and comfortable sitting above ground. These four important legs that the stool of love do need to be balanced although not necessarily equal. It depends on the terrain or ground on which the stool will be seated.
There are no manuals or how to do booklet on “How to Let Love Last Longer” but a quick look at the four legs of love on which a real love affair stands can be insightful: 1 The mental/spiritual (self); 2) social (friends); 3) Money (economic) and 4) intimate (sexual).
LEG 1. THE MIND – SPIRITUAL (AGAPE)
The first leg of love is the love for self and fellow human beings. If you don’t love yourself then you can’t love anybody else. This is an unconditional love that sees beyond the outer surface and accepts the recipient for whom he/she is, regardless of his/her flaws, shortcomings or faults. It’s the type of love that everyone should strive to have for self and his/her fellow human beings. A kind of philanthropy or as Thomas Aquinas puts it: “to will the good of another.” It is rooted in the idea of brotherly love, charity; the love of God for man and of man for God.” Although you may not like aspects about yourself and others, you decide to love yourself and him/her just as a human being.
The Greeks called this mental, intellectual and spiritual love Agape.
Leg 2: FRIEND – SOCIAL. (PHILEO)
The second leg of love is the love for a buddy or best friend forever (BFF). The Phileo love refers to an affectionate, warm and tender platonic love. It makes you desire friendship with someone. It goes beyond the love for self or fellow human being. The Phileo love sees you not just tolerating someone but also celebrating someone. Although you may have an Agape (mental/spiritual) love for your enemies and competitors, you may not have a Phileo love for those same people.
In fact, although there is a common saying that friends don’t have sex with friends, it is uncanny not to be your lover’s best friend. Being a friend with your partner helps create relationships with more commitment, more love and even greater sexual satisfaction. A strong friendship is the secret to a long-lasting romantic relationship as it fortifies the romantic relationship and serves as a buffer against breaking up. Remove this leg of the stool and the relationship gets very rocky. In short, when you and your partner are not having sex or worrying about the bills, frolicking like school kids is delightful.
LEG 3: MONEY – ECONOMICS STORGE
Then there is the third leg of love. The affection of family and friendship. (Storge). Here a couple or persons decide to have togetherness and to take on the world as an economic unit. It is a type of confidant and interdependent love. This is necessary to handle the basic requirements of life such as food, clothing, and shelter. It is a kind of love that members of the family have for each other; or the love that friends feel for each other beyond their social friendship. In some cases, this friendship love may turn into a romantic love relationship. It’s committed, sacrificial and makes you feel secure, comfortable and safe.
LEG 4: PHYSICAL – SEX (EROS
The fourth leg of Love is sexual or intimate physical love or “erotas” as the Greeks called it. Eros is a passionate and intense love that arouses romantic feelings; it is the kind that often makes you say, “I love him/her”. It is simply an emotional and sexual love and may not last unless it moves up a notch higher because it focuses more on self gratification more than that of the other person. If the person “in love” does not feel good about the relationship anymore, he/she will stop loving his/her partner.
Whereas most animals have sex for procreation, humans have seen sex evolving beyond reproduction (procreation) to serve additional social functions including recreation. Sex can keep the male around the female and offspring therefore providing help with home and child rearing. This reinforces intimate social bonds that may help in overall survival of the family. Sex can help get the partners to know and understand each other as well as bring them closer. Touching, caressing, holding hands and any means by which we provide physical comfort to our partner can all be viewed as part of a fulfilling sex life.
Here is the good or bad thing about sex. If you are getting some good sex, sex is not very important in a relationship. It becomes a given. The other three legs become more important: friendship, money and mental. However, if sex is a source of frustration in your relationship and your sex life is unfulfilled, it can easily become a gigantic issue. A weak leg.
ARE YOU SITTING ON THE STOOL OF LOVE?
The four legged stool of love analogy shows that a strong relationship will stand up to the trials and tribulations of common life and set a solid base on which to leave the past, live in the present and step into the future. As individuals, ideally we need to cultivate the love of self, love of friend and love of partners before we consider the love of sex if we want real long term love. It is especially advisable for a committed relationship to have all our (4) components (or legs), as it can survive longer and support a great deal more weight. If it has only 3 out of 4 legs, it can still support sitting but there is a chance it will teeter. If a relationship only has 2 legs, it is in grave danger and is likely to topple or fall. In order for a relationship with only 1 leg to thrive it needs a mighty juggling and gymnastic act that most likely will lead to toppling and doomed.
Not that all four legs of the stool need be equal as different people crave different support systems. However, it is important that all four legs be positioned so the stool doesn’t tilt or topple. Then again, are we even seated on all four legs of the stool of love: Self, Friend, Money and Sex?
NOTCLIF NOTES: This blog is a short version of my ebook “The Four Legged Stool of Love”. Read the full length by visiting http://www.wordfoodmusic.com and signing up for our free email or by simply clicking the eBook cover below. It was inspired by Aneil’s debut single “Let me Be”. Check her out on www.aneilmusic.com.