WHY BLACKS MARRY WHITE AND WHO CARES?

Image result for serena williams  and alexis

For her Winter Solstice gift, December 22, 2016, Serena Williams,  the 22-time grand-slam winner announced on Reddit her intentions to wed Alexis Ohanian, the 33-year-old co-founder and executive chairman of Reddit, who is a White man.

Of course the internet began buzzing and tweeting with positive and negative sentiments. Some folks even argued whether Serena can continue representing real Black women while marrying a White man.  Serena qualified all responses by noting that “when she dates someone she never sees color as she dates who she has chemistry with”. She also noted that Alexis has treated her better than any Black man she had dated and we know Serena has dated a slew of Black men including rappers Drake and Common as well as former NFL linebacker Lamar Arrington and basketball star Amare Stoudemire. Who feels it knows it. Then again, who cares?

Without defending Serena’s interracial preference, we must be cognizant of the fact that more Black men marry White women than do Black women marry White men.  Truth to be told, there are great catches, oops, great prospects, in every race on earth. In Jamaica we say, ” every hoe has its stick a bush”, meaning that everything has its fit.

It does seem as if Love, beauty, care, protection and compassion are not skin or race restricted. Neither are bigotry, delinquency, ugliness and poor parent hood restricted to race, class or creed. Indeed, the only person incapable of love is either dead or severely mentally disturbed.

HOW MANY BLACKS MARRY WHITE

According to http://blackdemographics.com/households/marriage-in-black-america/ in 2014, 14% percent of Black men were married to non-Black women which is up from 11% in 2010. Only half (7%) of those non-Black women were White. Similarly, the Pew Research Center released a report finding that 25% of Black male newlyweds in 2013 married non-Black women compared to 12% of Black women who “married out”.  However Asian women and Native Americans still have higher rates of interracial marriage. Black women were the least likely to marry non-Black men at only 6% in 2014, and only 4/% were married to White men.

2014 Marriage Chart

WHY THE MYTH THAT MORE SUCCESSFUL BLACK MEN MARRY BLACK WOMEN THAN WHITE WOMEN?

It does seem as if most successful Black men are being stereo typed as prone to marrying White women based on the conspicuous behaviour of plenty rap stars, athletes and musicians choosing to date or marry interracially when they achieve fame. Fact is that the same is not true for the bulk of successful Black men. By analyzing census data, Toldson and Marks found that 83 percent of married black men who earned at least $100,000 annually got hitched to Black women. The same is the case for educated Black men of all incomes. Eighty-five percent of Black male college graduates married Black women. Generally, 88 percent of married Black men (no matter their income or educational background) have Black wives.

On a sexual note, https://www.18karatreggae.com/2016/01/29/6736/, a study from Rutgers University in New Rochelle, NJ, has concluded that approximately 87 percent of American White women have had or fantasize about having sexual relations with African American males.  Interestingly enough, the same study says only 13% of white women said they would would marry and raise a family with a Black man.

CHANGING FACE OF BLACK WHITE MARRIAGES

Why are more people having favourable attitudes towards interracial marriage even if they would not do it  themselves? The major contributing factors would include legality, morality  and shift in attitude due to  change in values and the millennial kids now maturing.

Legality

The simply reason why more Blacks date and marry Whites is because it is now legal. Indeed, we are indebted to Richard and Mildred Loving, an interracial couple who were thrown in jail in Virginia for violating the state’s rules against multicultural marriages fifty years ago. In 1967, the U.S. Supreme Court ruled miscegenation laws—or laws preventing people of different races and ethnicities from getting married—unconstitutional. (By the way Loving is their real surname..lol). Please read this better than Mills & Boon real life love story at https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Loving_v._Virginia.

Now, Decades later, naturally, interracial marriage is now the highest it has ever been in the United States, up 14 percent compared with what it was in 1967 when the courts ruled in favor of Richard and Mildred Loving.

Morality

Genesis 2 vs 24 suggests a “man shall leave his father and his mother, and be joined to his wife; and they shall become one flesh” but  (Deuteronomy 7:3–4did not encourage the inter marriage of the Israelite with other peoples.  However, the reason for this command was not due to skin color but rather religious. It seemed God felt that people of other races were worshippers of false gods and the Israelite would be led astray from God if they intermarried with idol worshippers. Self preservation?

More intense, Hitler and his followers will let you know that race should not mixed as some races are inferior and will water down the real “master” race. (The verdict is still out. Science has not shown racial supremacy and The Old Testament writers can’t be subpoenaed).

Attitude change to Black-White Marriage

Americans’ attitudes about interracial marriage have changed dramatically over the past 55 years, moving from the point in the late 1950s when disapproval was well over 90%, to the point today when approval is approaching 90%.

Approval of black-white marriage is higher among younger Americans especially the millennial kids (18 – 34), and lowest among those 65 and older.  Yes, the millennial generation has grown up and now they are parents. Their attitudes, behaviors and perceptions are different from that of their conservative elderly parents and fore parents. Colour and race taboo have been significantly downplayed by them and even replace d by diversity, liberalism and alternative lifestyles.

However, Census data indicated that black-white marriages in reality remain fairly rare — although they have increased from 167,000 in 1980 to 558,000 in 2010, they still represented less than 1% of all married couples.

 

Ebony plays with Ivory.

Stevie Wonder and Paul McCartney seem to believe that it takes ebony and ivory to make music on a piano. Well, music played on a piano uses two colour keys: black and white. The white keys are more than the black keys yet music require both colours. Although a poor analogy, it is possible for some people to make music and possible find love doing inter racial.

THE CONTRIVED SUPERIORITY OF BLACKS VS WHITES

Fortunately or unfortunately, even the blind can see that since the arrival of Christopher Columbus in 1492 in the Caribbean and the Pilgrims on the Mayflower  in 1620 in the USA, Whites are “superior” to Blacks in status quo and power. The church, the school and the civic organizations all reinforced this false notion in an attempt to prolong the evils of slavery. In primary school we were subtly taught ” “If you are white, it is all right and if you are brown you may stick around but if you are black you better get to the back”. Peter Tosh defiantly added  “or get on the attack”.

Needless to say, apart from melanin and its accompanying nuances, Whites are the same as Blacks. They all have two eyes, ears, hands and feet. They both go to the bathroom, have sex, get kids, and are treated unfairly by narcissistic and chauvinistic males and females. Beauty abounds in all races and for proof, the World Beauty Pageant winners have not been restricted to Black and White women.

THE ENDANGERED BLACK MAN & WOMAN

Image result for michael jackson evolve pictures

Folks usually joke that the USA is such a land of opportunity that it can afford even a poor Black boy to grow up to be a rich White woman. Rudely, Micheal Jackson was used as the ideal example of this. However, many Black women in the USA and the Caribbean have also fallen victims to this “plastic” version of success and beauty. Indeed, Black women are spending millions of dollars each year to look WHITE and “enhance their beauty”. Many have processed their hair to get it straight as if they are ashamed of their so called kinky hair. Some have gone further by bleaching their skins to look white as well.

Understandably, we can be sympathetic with these black brothers and sisters who strive to be “white” and denied their charcoal skin. After all, as mentioned, for centuries Blacks have suffered the indignity of physical rape, robbing, kidnapping and killing mainly by the hands of Europeans under Slavery. They have been stripped not only of their garbs but also of their soul and mind and identity. Despite Emancipation in 1838 in the Caribbean and 1864 in the USA, the black psyche has been warped so badly that many Blacks have found it easier to look and behave like their former white slave owners than to struggle to be free mentally. There is little comfort in reminding them that the ancient Greeks also had slaves who were not Negroes but white men who had been taken captive in war.

A friend of mine sarcastically call these type of Blacks, “Oreo cookies” or “roasted breadfruit”: Dark skin on the outside but white beneath. His claim is that if a Black brother wants a Black sister, he has little choice as the sisters look like White women. He jokingly asked, “What does it benefit the black brother to choose a “black” white woman over a white woman. Is it better to have a real woman who is white than a confused woman who is black?” Quite a dilemma.

However, thanks to Marcus Garvey (1887 – 1940), his rally call for Black consciousness has not fallen on deaf ears and there are a few brothers and sisters have developed a sense of black pride that is creating a glimmer of hope.

Image result for marcus garvey on intelligence in different races

An excerpt from Albert Einstein’s Essay on Racial Bias supports Marcus Garvey’s cry for Blacks to “emancipate ourselves from mental slavery as none but ourselves can free our minds” in his 1946 essay on racial bias against the Blacks in USA.  https://onbeing.org/blog/albert-einsteins-essay-on-racial-bias-in-1946/

“A large part of our attitude toward things is conditioned by opinions and emotions which we unconsciously absorb as children from our environment. In other words, it is tradition — besides inherited aptitudes and qualities — which makes us what we are. We but rarely reflect how relatively small as compared with the powerful influence of tradition is the influence of our conscious thought upon our conduct and convictions.
“It would be foolish to despise tradition. But with our growing self-consciousness and increasing intelligence we must begin to control tradition and assume a critical attitude toward it, if human relations are ever to change for the better. We must try to recognize what in our accepted tradition is damaging to our fate and dignity — and shape our lives accordingly.
“I believe that whoever tries to think things through honestly will soon recognize how unworthy and even fatal is the traditional bias against Negroes.
“What, however, can the man of good will do to combat this deeply rooted prejudice? He must have the courage to set an example by word and deed, and must watch lest his children become influenced by this racial bias”.

CONCLUSION

I am still not sure if inter racial marriage is cool especially for the children of the union who find themselves mid stream, neither black nor white.  Yet, today’s society is wreaking such havoc on the institution of marriage that if a man or woman chooses to marry he or she should be commended because the current level of liberalism, alternative lifestyles and patterns of broken marriages can easily deter people from marrying.

The choice of to whom to marry should be each person’s prerogative since value and love lie in the eyes of the beholder. At the end of the day what is important is the extent to which the brotherhood of man can be pursued and attained. Of course, malicious self interest is misguided and Haile Selassie, Emperor of Ethiopia, begged us to ditch racism, class, and bigotry and get hitched with understanding, tolerance and  goodwill, In short, philanthropy vs misanthropy. Bob Marley put Selassie’s words of wisdom to music and came up with the thought provoking reggae hit, “War”. Then again, who cares.

Clifton Neil is a university lecturer in marketing and a lover of history and literature. Contact – cneil@wordfoodmusic.com. Twitter. @cliftongneil

HOW TO GET TO HEAVEN SMARTLY

HOW TO GET TO HEAVEN SMARTLY

Do you believe in heaven? Do you want to get there? Will going to church, tithing, praying, fasting and calling upon the Lord’s name get you to heaven?

Of course it depends on what you call heaven. Is it a place where God dwells or do you see it as a place or state of peace and harmony in body or mind, right here on earth?

The fact is that many people, captors and captives alike, see heaven as a place to be but  how to get there has been a big debate resulting in many isms and schisms, religions, politics, commercial pursuits and even genocide.  Many a books have been written about it but this weekend I found out how we can all get to heaven smartly. No joke.

how-to-get-to-heaven-image-cartoon-blog-version

I can assure you it doesn’t require yoga, nor therapy, or religious creeds or any obsessions. It doesn’t matter your creed, religion, political views and or no views. No science nor chemical formulas and equations are needed. It does however require an element of selflessness and a love for self and others.

WHO CAN BE IN  HEAVEN

Anyone, race, class or creed, can experience heaven but the requirements to get in make it difficult and restrict heaven to a selected few. Indeed, many will be called but few chosen. To make this worse, the normalcy of our abnormal lives make us fit somewhere among the inadmissible to heaven.

1 Corinthians 6:9-10 states: Do you not know that the unrighteous will not inherit the kingdom of God? Do not be deceived. Neither fornicators, nor idolaters, nor adulterers, nor homosexuals, nor sodomites, nor thieves, nor covetous, nor drunkards, nor revilers, nor extortioners will inherit the kingdom of God. Do the maths and you will noticed that only a few people will be qualified for heaven, on earth or in the sky.

To make it more intriguing, it is possible that even if we are none of the above we are still not guaranteed a space in heaven.Seriously now? Yeah, serious as a sun without heat.

As Proverbs 16:25 reads, “There is a way that seems right to a man, but in the end it leads to death”  and “No one is good – except God alone” (Mark 10:18. So it is possible our understanding could send us to doom.

how-to-get-to-heaven-image-2Also, check out this verse in the bible about heaven and who will be let into the kingdom, according to Jesus Christ.

Mat. 25:34 – 46 “Then I, the King, shall say to those at my right, ‘Come, blessed of my Father, into the Kingdom prepared for you from the founding of the world.  For I was hungry and you fed me; I was thirsty and you gave me water; I was a stranger and you invited me into your homes; naked and you clothed me; sick and in prison, and you visited me.’ “Then these righteous ones will reply, ‘Sir, when did we ever see you hungry and feed you? Or thirsty and give you anything to drink? Or a stranger, and help you? Or naked, and clothe you? When did we ever see you sick or in prison, and visit you?’ “And I, the King, will tell them, ‘When you did it to these my brothers you were doing it to me!’

Then I will turn to those on my left and say, ‘Away with you, you cursed ones, into the eternal fire prepared for the devil and his demons. For I was hungry and you wouldn’t feed me; thirsty, and you wouldn’t give me anything to drink; a stranger, and you refused me hospitality; naked, and you wouldn’t clothe me; sick, and in prison, and you didn’t visit me. “Then they will reply, ‘Lord, when did we ever see you hungry or thirsty or a stranger or naked or sick or in prison, and not help you?’ “And I will answer, ‘When you refused to help the least of these my brothers, you were refusing help to me.’ “And they shall go away into eternal punishment; but the righteous into everlasting life.”

Read that again. This is a very important thing to note: it does appear that if we go to church regularly, give our tithes and offerings and pray every day, we are not guaranteed a space into Jesus’ heaven, UNLESS we help the poor.

SO GOING TO CHURCH WON’T GET YOU TO HEAVEN? NO GUARANTEES.Image result for proverbs 3 vs 6

The temple and the priest have played their important role as the link between god and man. However this arrangement was only necessary until Shiloh (Jesus) comes.  We should also add that not only is the priest (church or law giver) redundant and unnecessary but also the king/president and prime minister (scepter). Indeed, if Christ has come, then the church and the priest have become redundant because Jesus is now both King and High Priest..

Genesis 49:10: The sceptre shall not depart from Judah, nor a lawgiver from between his feet, until Shiloh come; and unto him shall the gathering of the people be.

In short, there is no middle man between god and man since Christ is now the redeemer and forgiver of sins. No church can forgive sins anymore.

Another take on the now personal, no middle man ‘relationship” can be seen in

John 14 : 5 – 7- “Lord,” said Thomas, “we do not know where You are going, so how can we know the way?” Jesus answered, “I amImage result for how to get to heaven the way and the truth and the life. No one comes to the Father except through Me. If you had known Me, you would know My Father as well. From now on you do know Him and have seen Him.”

This is reinforced in Matthew6: 5 – 7: Jesus said, And when you pray, do not be like the hypocrites. For they love to pray standing in the synagogues and on the street corners to be seen by men. Truly I tell you, they already have their reward. But when you pray, go into your inner room, shut your door, and pray to your Father, who is unseen. And your Father, who sees what is done in secret, will reward you. 

CAN TITHES AND OFFERINGS GET YOU INTO HEAVENS? NO GUARANTEE.

So what about if tithes and offerings are paid regularly. Doesn’t that help? And didn’t Malachi say that when we don’t pay our tithes and offerings we rob the Lord. True, it should help back then but as seen above, I am not sure if it is applicable today. Jesus paid our debts.

You see, back then, a tithe (1/10th of earnings) was given to the church because the high priest had to be “paid” as he could own no property and or do mundane work otherwise. A reasonable gesture since the priest was god’s representative on earth at the time.  However with the advent of Christ, this job become redundant as Christ is now God’s representative on earth. (Ooops, there goes the pastor’s job)

Offerings are different from tithes and were done based on the situation. The popular ones were Burnt, Sin, Peace, Meal and Trespass Offerings. All had to do with the sacrifice of animals and birds.  A bloody endeavor that makes one wonder why the Lord wants to smell burnt blood and flesh.   However let us see what Isaiah had to say in regards to offering, (Isaiah 66:1-4): Thus saith the LORD, The heaven is my throne, and the earth is my footstool: where is the house that ye build unto me? and where is the place of my rest? For all those things hath mine hand made, and those things have been, saith the LORD: but to this man will I look, Even to him that is poor and of a contrite spirit, and trembleth at my word.

He that killeth an ox is as if he slew a man; he that sacrificeth a lamb, as if he cut off a dog’s neck; he that offereth an Oblation, as if he offereth swine’s blood; he that burneth incense, as if he blessed an idol. Yea, they have chosen their ways, and their soul delighteth in their abominations.  I also will choose their delusions, and will bring their fears upon them; because when I called, none did answer; when I spake, they did not hear: but they did evil before mine eyes and chose that in which I delighteth not .

The question to ask is, if Christ’s death and resurrection washed away our sins and paid for our iniquities, are we free and no longer need to pay tithe and offerings? If we are free, and tithes and offering are no guarantee, does that make it wrong to give tithe and offerings at church?

HOW NOT TO GET TO HEAVEN

Image result for cannot choose god and man

The Bible seems to have contempt for those who can help the poor and do not help.

Prov. 21:13 He who shuts his ears to the cries of the poor will be ignored in his own time of need.

1 John 3:17-  19.  But if someone who is supposed to be a Christian has money enough to live well, and sees a brother in need, and won’t help him–how can God’s love be within him ? Little children, let us stop just saying we love people; let us really love them, and show it by our actions. Then we will know for sure, by our actions, that we are on God’s side, and our consciences will be clear, even when we stand before the Lord. (Action speaks LOUD).

1 John 4:20If a man say, I love God, and hateth his brother, he is a liar: for he that loveth not his brother whom he hath seen, how can he love God whom he hath not seen? And this commandment have we from him, That he who loveth God love his brother also. (For God is LOVE).

Image result for how can you love if you oppress the poorJames 2:14 Dear brothers, what’s the use of saying that you have faith and are Christians if you aren’t proving it by helping others? Will that kind of faith save anyone?  If you have a friend who is in need of food and clothing,  and you say to him, “Well, good-bye and God bless you; stay warm and eat hearty,” and then don’t give him clothes or food, what good does that do?  So you see, it isn’t enough just to have faith. You must also do good to prove that you have it. Faith that doesn’t show itself by good works is no faith at all–it is dead and useless.  But someone may well argue, “You say the way to God is by faith alone, plus nothing; well, I say that good works are important too, for without good works you can’t prove whether you have faith or not; but anyone can see that I have faith by the way I act.”  Are there still some among you who hold that “only believing” is enough? Believing in one God? Well, remember that the demons believe this too--so strongly that they tremble in terror! Fool! When will you ever learn that “believing” is useless without doing what God wants you to? Faith that does not result in good deeds is not real faith.

Prov. 28:27 If you give to the poor, your needs will be supplied! But a curse upon those who close their eyes to poverty.

Prov. 14:31 Anyone who oppresses the poor is insulting God who made them. To help the poor is to honor God.

HOW TO GET TO HEAVEN: A GUARANTEE

Although common sense is uncommon, it should be clear that both the captive and the captors are in captivity and need to be set free. The captors spend their lives in captivity keeping the captives in check, while the captives spend their lives in captivity trying to overcome the captors. Neither will experience heaven without love. since without love heaven, peace and freedom are afar and apart.

Jesus declared, “‘Love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your mind.’ This is the first and greatest commandment. And the second is like it: ‘Love your neighbor as yourself.’

Prov. 19:17 When you help the poor you are lending to the Lord–and he pays wonderful interest on your loan!

James 1:27 The Christian who is pure and without fault, from God the Father’s point of view, is the one who takes care of orphans and widows, and who remains true to the Lord–not soiled and dirtied by his contacts with the world.

Psalm. 82:3-4 Give fair judgment to the poor man, the afflicted, the fatherless, the destitute. Rescue the poor and helpless from the grasp of evil men.

Prov. 22:9 Happy is the generous man, the one who feeds the poor.

Even Saul (Paul) who was killing Christians thinking he is doing God a favour, had this to say after being converted:

1 Tim. 6:17 – 19 Tell those who are rich not to be proud and not to trust in their money, which will soon be gone, but their pride and trust should be in the living God who always richly gives us all we need for our enjoyment.  Tell them to use their money to do good. They should be rich in good works and should give happily to those in need, always being ready to share with others whatever God has given them.   By doing this they will be storing up real treasure for themselves in heaven–it is the only safe investment for eternity! And they will be living a fruitful Christian life down here as well.

Luke 6:38 For if you give, you will get! Your gift will return to you in full and overflowing measure, pressed down, shaken together to make room for more, and running over. Whatever measure you use to give–large or small–will be used to measure what is given back to you.”

how-to-get-to-heaven-atlanta-pixIsa. 58:4 – 11 “Behold, ye fast for strife and debate and to smite with the fist of wickedness: ye shall not fast as ye do this day, to make your voice be heard on high. Is it such a fast that I have chosen? A day for a man to afflict his soul? Is it to bow down his head like a bulrush, and to spread sackcloth and ashes under him? Will thou call this a fast? And an acceptable day to the lord?

No, the kind of fast I want is that you stop oppressing those who work for you and treat them fairly and give them what they earn. I want you to share your food with the hungry and bring right into your own homes those who are helpless, poor, and destitute. Clothe those who are cold, and don’t hide from relatives who need your help. “If you do these things, God will shed his own glorious light upon you. He will heal you; your godliness will lead you forward, goodness will be a shield before you, and the glory of the Lord will protect you from behind. Then, when you call, the Lord will answer. ‘Yes, I am here,’ he will quickly reply. All you need to do is to stop oppressing the weak and stop making false accusations and spreading vicious rumors! “Feed the hungry! Help those in trouble! Then your light will shine out from the darkness, and the darkness around you shall be as bright as day. And the Lord will guide you continually, and satisfy you with all good things, and keep you healthy too; and you will be like a well-watered garden, like an ever-flowing spring.

Love one another.

That is how you get to heaven, whether you think heaven is right here, right now while living on earth or up in the sky after judgment day.Love one another.

THE POET: SLICES OF LOVE

Notclif the poet
NOTCLIF:THE POET

Guess what? August 1983, was special to me. Not only was it the birth month of Marcus Garvey (August 17, 1887), but it was also the month I produced my first concert (August 27, 1983) in the Seville Theatre in St. Ann’s Bay, Jamaica. (Not boasting, just a toasting, but I was born and grown a few blocks from where Marcus Garvey was born and grown in St Ann’s Bay, Jamaica.. smiles). Anyway, 1983 was also the year I published a collection of my poems titled “VIEW”. It is a collection of about 40 of my poems, albeit, with a youthful perspective then. (It was my 20th birthday). Do I still share those views? Hmmmm.

I was looking through the book and decided I will share some of the poems with you in slices. This first Slice of Love consists of the poems that radiate or expressed “a kind of” love vibes. Hope you like:

 

The poet

love icon

I AM

My love, nothing you see is new.

Love is in everyone; shared by only a few

Accept me for what I am

Then you will find out just who I am

 

I YOU

Just suppose I were you.

You wouldn’t have a chance.

No, you wouldn’t have a chance,

Never get a chance to be you.

I would never one day lose

A battle between me and you.

I would have the power to choose,

Not only for me, but also for you.

 

Still, I am glad I am little me,

You are too big a person to be.

I rather be me all the time;

Because I dread to think,

Suppose you were I.

 

SOUL FREE

I will build a house

on the firm rock of truth,

Furnish it with love

then come looking for you

 

I want you to understand

the life you have to live.

You must not pretend,

everything I stand for is real.

 

Close by me

you will be just as free

Knowing I am love,

a love that is real.

 

If 6 were the same as 9

we would not need to choose.

You may trick me and win,

when you trick love you lose.

 

Hope you are for real,

hope it’s true love you feel.

Hope you are for real

to live a life that is free.

 

CUPFUL

Soft words, turn away anger.

Harsh words, provoke wrath.

Love has got no time for quarrels,

Has got no time for fussing.

It has got life to live;

All the joy It has to give.

 

My love, strange to know you do quarrel.

Where is the harmony

That’s exist with love?

Please stop and think.

 

The night has gone, replaced by day.

You always promised you would change,

Saying, “Tomorrow I will change”

And yet there are only todays.

 

BURSTING

Bursting with energy

And getting very mighty.

Forgiving but not forgetting.

Knowing love is for everything.

 

Bursting with love:

With love sweet love.

Expecting nothing

But knowing love is for everything.

 

NATURAL CHILD

She was in the world

But not of the world.

She stood erect,

Her beauty a natural phenomenon.

 

Her poise

Showed the perfection of her profile:

From her hair to her toes

She was untouched.

 

Her lips had no paint

Nor were her nails polished.

She knew

But walked not the ways of the world.

 

I looked

In her eyes and cried,

“Here is a natural,

A natural child at last.”

 

WOMAN

Man’s best friend is a woman.

She’s to man what night is to day.

She is made just like man

and can shine as bright as day.

 

A house is not a home

without an understanding woman inside.

Though sometimes happy and sometimes sad

a man likes a woman at his side.

 

Man must not control a woman.

She must be respected and made free.

One shouldn’t try to force her to be

the very things she hates to be.

 

Let us face life as it really is.

Woman is more than a housewife.

She’s what God made her to be:

a perfect companion throughout life.

 

V.J. (VANEKER JOHNSON)

Vain races did I run

A fool’s treasure I won.

No one’s fault but mine,

Each new love takes time.

Kings and Princes do joke,

Either it is whole or uneven yoke?”

River to stream, shed your load.

 

Just you my dear

Of all those that should care,

Hard it was to say:

None made me feel that way.

So, you have also tried,

Only to see near tears cried?

Now, tell me, has love died?

 

SIT AND WONDER WHY

Sit and wonder why

I have chosen this:

Of all that goes by,

The ones you would miss.

Sit and wonder why

I should not be moved;

If only I would try

I would be there in the groove.

 

Sit and wonder why

I say the things that I say;

Yet of all that pry

None did like this today.

love seat cover

Sign up for our email and get a free copy of  my collection of poems titled VIEW at WFM logowww.wordfoodmusic.com.

 

Aneil media Promo CD image
Aneil sings her love song “Let Me Be”. Click to watch on YouTube

Incidentally, my daughter has developed a love for writing and has penned her own love poem/song. Check her out on YouTube doing her song “Let Me Be”. (with lyrics).

You can tune in to Aneil at her Facebook page

www.facebook.com/aneilmusic

 

 

WORD, FOOD, MUSIC

Write, Eat, Sing

 

 

Keep tuned for the next in the series of NotClif blogs: The Poet: Slices of Life.The poet

FOUR LEGGED STOOL OF LOVE: SELF, FRIEND, MONEY AND SEX

SELF, FRIEND, MONEY AND SEX

Last year, June 2015, my daughter, Aneil, released her first music single called “Let Me Be” on the Word, Food and Music label. It is basically a beautiful song that gives a youthful perspective of love.

The first verse starts out as follows:

“I got a scare today when you left and didn’t stop to say bye, I thought I lost you.

I admit I can be a bit overbearing but let me explain why,  It’s cause I love you”. Aneil – Let Me Be – June 2015

 

Aneil media Promo CD image
Click to watch the YouTube Lyric video

Since then I have been asking myself the question: What is love? Shamefully, I must admit, I don’t know what love is or more correctly I am not sure what love is. By the way, do you know what love is? Have you ever been in love? Are you in love? I did ask a few friends “what is the true meaning of love?” Some said it is giving, sharing, caring, selflessness, kindness and those glorious glittery words. Some say it is sexual intimacy: that mushy feeling, hanging up the phone and calling back. Those can’t sleep, can’t eat moments. A few friends said that love is pain, stress, heartache and headache with even a smaller amount saying love is punitive, jealous, bias and self centred.

Yes, it seems love is all these things and then some. Comfortingly, the Oxford Dictionary doesn’t seem to know what love is either. According to the dictionary, Love is affection and fondness but the same Dictionary said fondness is love and affection.  I rest my case. So, what is love? Do you feel that you are seated comfortably on the stool of love in your life and relationship?

FINDING LOVE AND RELATIONSHIP

love icon

In a relationship or marriage, two persons decide to become one so it is necessary to determine from early “which one?” Is it the male, the female or the unified unit as one.  Importantly too, just as how we all know AIR is important to all living things, similarly, in relationships, there is a vital type of AIR (Attention, Interest and Respect) that is also needed. Normally, the stronger the AIR, the stronger is the relationship. A relationship consisting of multiple mind rocking orgasms and body tingling sexual experiences; socializing with partners’ friends;  getting gifts such as sweets or roses and  Victoria Secret lingerie’ intellectually and meaningful conversations, simple nature visits to the park and hanging out at the beach; volunteering with many of the philanthropic organizations are all important in living life and in relationships.

A proper combination of sex, friendship, share/care and spiritual growth leads to increased chances of success as love would be seated firmly on the “four legged stool of love”.love real

Indeed, Love is such a lovely thing that sadly, sometimes, we spend a lifetime pursuing it instead of living our lives. Yeah, most of us talk about finding love as if Love is lost and waiting to be found. We join organizations; go church, go clubs, sign up for online social sites and get smart phones all with the intention of finding love, true love. Sadly, many never found love and many have fallen but not in love. In fact so many of us have fallen and broken into pieces after maybe weeks or months of sitting on a stool that has one or two legs. Unconsciously, we fall in and out of love just like the seasons of North America.

Seriously, some of these love failures then go around and break other people’s heart as a hobby. If not careful, we become cold, insensitive and cynical about new “love”. The saddest part is that sometimes marriage and children result from these “love” affairs.

The truth of the matter is that many of us who go searching for love are ourselves loveless. We confuse great sex, or financial comfort with love. Also, we talk about finding our other half as if to say we are not whole beings. The important thing is that whether 25/75 or 99/1, together both partners must complement each other in order to be complimented.

THE FOUR LEGGED STOOL OF LOVE

As seen, we can all say we love but it is hard to determine or even explain Love. Love is a special and complicated emotion that does affect our heartbeat but the emotions and feelings associated with love are found in the brain. It’s the brain and not the heart that generates chemical signals to make us understand love whether platonic or sexual. Does this mean that love or the conditions for love can be created?

Indeed, love or a relationship can be seen as a stool with four important legs to accommodate firm and comfortable sitting above ground. These four important legs that the stool of love do need to be balanced although not necessarily equal. It depends on the terrain or ground on which the stool will be seated.

There are no manuals or how to do booklet on “How to Let Love Last Longer” but a quick look at the four legs of love on which a real love affair stands can be insightful: 1 The mental/spiritual (self); 2) social (friends); 3) Money (economic) and 4) intimate (sexual).

LEG 1. THE MIND – SPIRITUAL (AGAPE) 

The first leg of love is the love for self and fellow human beings. If you don’t love yourself then you can’t love anybody else. This is an unconditional love that sees beyond the outer surface and accepts the recipient for whom he/she is, regardless of his/her flaws, shortcomings or faults. It’s the type of love that everyone should strive to have for self and his/her fellow human beings. A kind of philanthropy or as Thomas Aquinas puts it: “to will the good of another.” It is rooted in the idea of brotherly love, charity; the love of God for man and of man for God.” Although you may not like aspects about yourself and others, you decide to love yourself and him/her just as a human being.

The Greeks called this mental, intellectual and spiritual love Agape.

Leg 2: FRIEND – SOCIAL. (PHILEO)

The second leg of love is the love for a buddy or best friend forever (BFF). The Phileo love refers to an affectionate, warm and tender platonic love. It makes you desire friendship with someone. It goes beyond the love for self or fellow human being.  The Phileo love sees you not just tolerating someone but also celebrating someone. Although you may have an Agape (mental/spiritual) love for your enemies and competitors, you may not have a Phileo love for those same people.

In fact, although there is a common saying that friends don’t have sex with friends, it is uncanny not to be your lover’s best friend. Being a friend with your partner helps create relationships with more commitment, more love and even greater sexual satisfaction. A strong friendship is the secret to a long-lasting romantic relationship as it fortifies the romantic relationship and serves as a buffer against breaking up. Remove this leg of the stool and the relationship gets very rocky. In short, when you and your partner are not having sex or worrying about the bills, frolicking like school kids is delightful.

LEG 3: MONEY – ECONOMICS STORGE

Then there is the third leg of love. The affection of family and friendship. (Storge). Here a couple or persons decide to have togetherness and to take on the world as an economic unit. It is a type of confidant and interdependent love. This is necessary to handle the basic requirements of life such as food, clothing, and shelter. It is a kind of love that members of the family have for each other; or the love that friends feel for each other beyond their social friendship. In some cases, this friendship love may turn into a romantic love relationship.  It’s committed, sacrificial and makes you feel secure, comfortable and safe.

LEG 4: PHYSICAL – SEX (EROS

The fourth leg of Love is sexual or intimate physical love or “erotas” as the Greeks called it.  Eros is a passionate and intense love that arouses romantic feelings; it is the kind that often makes you say, “I love him/her”. It is simply an emotional and sexual love and may not last unless it moves up a notch higher because it focuses more on self gratification more than that of the other person. If the person “in love” does not feel good about the relationship anymore, he/she will stop loving his/her partner.

Whereas most animals have sex for procreation, humans have seen sex evolving beyond reproduction (procreation) to serve additional social functions including recreation. Sex can keep the male around the female and offspring therefore providing help with home and child rearing. This reinforces intimate social bonds that may help in overall survival of the family.  Sex can help get the partners to know and understand each other as well as bring them closer. Touching, caressing, holding hands and any means by which we provide physical comfort to our partner can all be viewed as part of a fulfilling sex life.

Here is the good or bad thing about sex. If you are getting some good sex, sex is not very important in a relationship. It becomes a given. The other three legs become more important: friendship, money and mental. However, if sex is a source of frustration in your relationship and your sex life is unfulfilled, it can easily become a gigantic issue. A weak leg.

ARE YOU SITTING ON THE STOOL OF LOVE?

The four legged stool of love analogy shows that a strong relationship will stand up to the trials and tribulations of common life and set a solid base on which to leave the past, live in the present and step into the future. As individuals, ideally we need to cultivate the love of self, love of friend and love of partners before we consider the love of sex if we want real long term love.love seat cover It is especially advisable for a committed relationship to have all our (4) components (or legs), as it can survive longer and support a great deal more weight. If it has only 3 out of 4 legs, it can still support sitting but there is a chance it will teeter. If a relationship only has 2 legs, it is in grave danger and is likely to topple or fall. In order for a relationship with only 1 leg to thrive it needs a mighty juggling and gymnastic act that most likely will lead to toppling and doomed.

Not that all four legs of the stool need be equal as different people crave different support systems. However, it is important that all four legs be positioned so the stool doesn’t tilt or topple. Then again, are we even seated on all four legs of the stool of love: Self, Friend, Money and Sex?
 NOTCLIF NOTES: This blog is a short version of my ebook “The Four Legged Stool of Love”. Read the full length by visiting http://www.wordfoodmusic.com and signing up for our free email or by simply clicking the eBook cover below. It was inspired by Aneil’s debut single “Let me Be”. Check her out on www.aneilmusic.com.

four legged stool ebook cover pix 3D