WHY BLACKS MARRY WHITE AND WHO CARES?

Image result for serena williams  and alexis

For her Winter Solstice gift, December 22, 2016, Serena Williams,  the 22-time grand-slam winner announced on Reddit her intentions to wed Alexis Ohanian, the 33-year-old co-founder and executive chairman of Reddit, who is a White man.

Of course the internet began buzzing and tweeting with positive and negative sentiments. Some folks even argued whether Serena can continue representing real Black women while marrying a White man.  Serena qualified all responses by noting that “when she dates someone she never sees color as she dates who she has chemistry with”. She also noted that Alexis has treated her better than any Black man she had dated and we know Serena has dated a slew of Black men including rappers Drake and Common as well as former NFL linebacker Lamar Arrington and basketball star Amare Stoudemire. Who feels it knows it. Then again, who cares?

Without defending Serena’s interracial preference, we must be cognizant of the fact that more Black men marry White women than do Black women marry White men.  Truth to be told, there are great catches, oops, great prospects, in every race on earth. In Jamaica we say, ” every hoe has its stick a bush”, meaning that everything has its fit.

It does seem as if Love, beauty, care, protection and compassion are not skin or race restricted. Neither are bigotry, delinquency, ugliness and poor parent hood restricted to race, class or creed. Indeed, the only person incapable of love is either dead or severely mentally disturbed.

HOW MANY BLACKS MARRY WHITE

According to http://blackdemographics.com/households/marriage-in-black-america/ in 2014, 14% percent of Black men were married to non-Black women which is up from 11% in 2010. Only half (7%) of those non-Black women were White. Similarly, the Pew Research Center released a report finding that 25% of Black male newlyweds in 2013 married non-Black women compared to 12% of Black women who “married out”.  However Asian women and Native Americans still have higher rates of interracial marriage. Black women were the least likely to marry non-Black men at only 6% in 2014, and only 4/% were married to White men.

2014 Marriage Chart

WHY THE MYTH THAT MORE SUCCESSFUL BLACK MEN MARRY BLACK WOMEN THAN WHITE WOMEN?

It does seem as if most successful Black men are being stereo typed as prone to marrying White women based on the conspicuous behaviour of plenty rap stars, athletes and musicians choosing to date or marry interracially when they achieve fame. Fact is that the same is not true for the bulk of successful Black men. By analyzing census data, Toldson and Marks found that 83 percent of married black men who earned at least $100,000 annually got hitched to Black women. The same is the case for educated Black men of all incomes. Eighty-five percent of Black male college graduates married Black women. Generally, 88 percent of married Black men (no matter their income or educational background) have Black wives.

On a sexual note, https://www.18karatreggae.com/2016/01/29/6736/, a study from Rutgers University in New Rochelle, NJ, has concluded that approximately 87 percent of American White women have had or fantasize about having sexual relations with African American males.  Interestingly enough, the same study says only 13% of white women said they would would marry and raise a family with a Black man.

CHANGING FACE OF BLACK WHITE MARRIAGES

Why are more people having favourable attitudes towards interracial marriage even if they would not do it  themselves? The major contributing factors would include legality, morality  and shift in attitude due to  change in values and the millennial kids now maturing.

Legality

The simply reason why more Blacks date and marry Whites is because it is now legal. Indeed, we are indebted to Richard and Mildred Loving, an interracial couple who were thrown in jail in Virginia for violating the state’s rules against multicultural marriages fifty years ago. In 1967, the U.S. Supreme Court ruled miscegenation laws—or laws preventing people of different races and ethnicities from getting married—unconstitutional. (By the way Loving is their real surname..lol). Please read this better than Mills & Boon real life love story at https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Loving_v._Virginia.

Now, Decades later, naturally, interracial marriage is now the highest it has ever been in the United States, up 14 percent compared with what it was in 1967 when the courts ruled in favor of Richard and Mildred Loving.

Morality

Genesis 2 vs 24 suggests a “man shall leave his father and his mother, and be joined to his wife; and they shall become one flesh” but  (Deuteronomy 7:3–4did not encourage the inter marriage of the Israelite with other peoples.  However, the reason for this command was not due to skin color but rather religious. It seemed God felt that people of other races were worshippers of false gods and the Israelite would be led astray from God if they intermarried with idol worshippers. Self preservation?

More intense, Hitler and his followers will let you know that race should not mixed as some races are inferior and will water down the real “master” race. (The verdict is still out. Science has not shown racial supremacy and The Old Testament writers can’t be subpoenaed).

Attitude change to Black-White Marriage

Americans’ attitudes about interracial marriage have changed dramatically over the past 55 years, moving from the point in the late 1950s when disapproval was well over 90%, to the point today when approval is approaching 90%.

Approval of black-white marriage is higher among younger Americans especially the millennial kids (18 – 34), and lowest among those 65 and older.  Yes, the millennial generation has grown up and now they are parents. Their attitudes, behaviors and perceptions are different from that of their conservative elderly parents and fore parents. Colour and race taboo have been significantly downplayed by them and even replace d by diversity, liberalism and alternative lifestyles.

However, Census data indicated that black-white marriages in reality remain fairly rare — although they have increased from 167,000 in 1980 to 558,000 in 2010, they still represented less than 1% of all married couples.

 

Ebony plays with Ivory.

Stevie Wonder and Paul McCartney seem to believe that it takes ebony and ivory to make music on a piano. Well, music played on a piano uses two colour keys: black and white. The white keys are more than the black keys yet music require both colours. Although a poor analogy, it is possible for some people to make music and possible find love doing inter racial.

THE CONTRIVED SUPERIORITY OF BLACKS VS WHITES

Fortunately or unfortunately, even the blind can see that since the arrival of Christopher Columbus in 1492 in the Caribbean and the Pilgrims on the Mayflower  in 1620 in the USA, Whites are “superior” to Blacks in status quo and power. The church, the school and the civic organizations all reinforced this false notion in an attempt to prolong the evils of slavery. In primary school we were subtly taught ” “If you are white, it is all right and if you are brown you may stick around but if you are black you better get to the back”. Peter Tosh defiantly added  “or get on the attack”.

Needless to say, apart from melanin and its accompanying nuances, Whites are the same as Blacks. They all have two eyes, ears, hands and feet. They both go to the bathroom, have sex, get kids, and are treated unfairly by narcissistic and chauvinistic males and females. Beauty abounds in all races and for proof, the World Beauty Pageant winners have not been restricted to Black and White women.

THE ENDANGERED BLACK MAN & WOMAN

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Folks usually joke that the USA is such a land of opportunity that it can afford even a poor Black boy to grow up to be a rich White woman. Rudely, Micheal Jackson was used as the ideal example of this. However, many Black women in the USA and the Caribbean have also fallen victims to this “plastic” version of success and beauty. Indeed, Black women are spending millions of dollars each year to look WHITE and “enhance their beauty”. Many have processed their hair to get it straight as if they are ashamed of their so called kinky hair. Some have gone further by bleaching their skins to look white as well.

Understandably, we can be sympathetic with these black brothers and sisters who strive to be “white” and denied their charcoal skin. After all, as mentioned, for centuries Blacks have suffered the indignity of physical rape, robbing, kidnapping and killing mainly by the hands of Europeans under Slavery. They have been stripped not only of their garbs but also of their soul and mind and identity. Despite Emancipation in 1838 in the Caribbean and 1864 in the USA, the black psyche has been warped so badly that many Blacks have found it easier to look and behave like their former white slave owners than to struggle to be free mentally. There is little comfort in reminding them that the ancient Greeks also had slaves who were not Negroes but white men who had been taken captive in war.

A friend of mine sarcastically call these type of Blacks, “Oreo cookies” or “roasted breadfruit”: Dark skin on the outside but white beneath. His claim is that if a Black brother wants a Black sister, he has little choice as the sisters look like White women. He jokingly asked, “What does it benefit the black brother to choose a “black” white woman over a white woman. Is it better to have a real woman who is white than a confused woman who is black?” Quite a dilemma.

However, thanks to Marcus Garvey (1887 – 1940), his rally call for Black consciousness has not fallen on deaf ears and there are a few brothers and sisters have developed a sense of black pride that is creating a glimmer of hope.

Image result for marcus garvey on intelligence in different races

An excerpt from Albert Einstein’s Essay on Racial Bias supports Marcus Garvey’s cry for Blacks to “emancipate ourselves from mental slavery as none but ourselves can free our minds” in his 1946 essay on racial bias against the Blacks in USA.  https://onbeing.org/blog/albert-einsteins-essay-on-racial-bias-in-1946/

“A large part of our attitude toward things is conditioned by opinions and emotions which we unconsciously absorb as children from our environment. In other words, it is tradition — besides inherited aptitudes and qualities — which makes us what we are. We but rarely reflect how relatively small as compared with the powerful influence of tradition is the influence of our conscious thought upon our conduct and convictions.
“It would be foolish to despise tradition. But with our growing self-consciousness and increasing intelligence we must begin to control tradition and assume a critical attitude toward it, if human relations are ever to change for the better. We must try to recognize what in our accepted tradition is damaging to our fate and dignity — and shape our lives accordingly.
“I believe that whoever tries to think things through honestly will soon recognize how unworthy and even fatal is the traditional bias against Negroes.
“What, however, can the man of good will do to combat this deeply rooted prejudice? He must have the courage to set an example by word and deed, and must watch lest his children become influenced by this racial bias”.

CONCLUSION

I am still not sure if inter racial marriage is cool especially for the children of the union who find themselves mid stream, neither black nor white.  Yet, today’s society is wreaking such havoc on the institution of marriage that if a man or woman chooses to marry he or she should be commended because the current level of liberalism, alternative lifestyles and patterns of broken marriages can easily deter people from marrying.

The choice of to whom to marry should be each person’s prerogative since value and love lie in the eyes of the beholder. At the end of the day what is important is the extent to which the brotherhood of man can be pursued and attained. Of course, malicious self interest is misguided and Haile Selassie, Emperor of Ethiopia, begged us to ditch racism, class, and bigotry and get hitched with understanding, tolerance and  goodwill, In short, philanthropy vs misanthropy. Bob Marley put Selassie’s words of wisdom to music and came up with the thought provoking reggae hit, “War”. Then again, who cares.

Clifton Neil is a university lecturer in marketing and a lover of history and literature. Contact – cneil@wordfoodmusic.com. Twitter. @cliftongneil

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FOUR LEGGED STOOL OF LOVE: SELF, FRIEND, MONEY AND SEX

SELF, FRIEND, MONEY AND SEX

Last year, June 2015, my daughter, Aneil, released her first music single called “Let Me Be” on the Word, Food and Music label. It is basically a beautiful song that gives a youthful perspective of love.

The first verse starts out as follows:

“I got a scare today when you left and didn’t stop to say bye, I thought I lost you.

I admit I can be a bit overbearing but let me explain why,  It’s cause I love you”. Aneil – Let Me Be – June 2015

 

Aneil media Promo CD image
Click to watch the YouTube Lyric video

Since then I have been asking myself the question: What is love? Shamefully, I must admit, I don’t know what love is or more correctly I am not sure what love is. By the way, do you know what love is? Have you ever been in love? Are you in love? I did ask a few friends “what is the true meaning of love?” Some said it is giving, sharing, caring, selflessness, kindness and those glorious glittery words. Some say it is sexual intimacy: that mushy feeling, hanging up the phone and calling back. Those can’t sleep, can’t eat moments. A few friends said that love is pain, stress, heartache and headache with even a smaller amount saying love is punitive, jealous, bias and self centred.

Yes, it seems love is all these things and then some. Comfortingly, the Oxford Dictionary doesn’t seem to know what love is either. According to the dictionary, Love is affection and fondness but the same Dictionary said fondness is love and affection.  I rest my case. So, what is love? Do you feel that you are seated comfortably on the stool of love in your life and relationship?

FINDING LOVE AND RELATIONSHIP

love icon

In a relationship or marriage, two persons decide to become one so it is necessary to determine from early “which one?” Is it the male, the female or the unified unit as one.  Importantly too, just as how we all know AIR is important to all living things, similarly, in relationships, there is a vital type of AIR (Attention, Interest and Respect) that is also needed. Normally, the stronger the AIR, the stronger is the relationship. A relationship consisting of multiple mind rocking orgasms and body tingling sexual experiences; socializing with partners’ friends;  getting gifts such as sweets or roses and  Victoria Secret lingerie’ intellectually and meaningful conversations, simple nature visits to the park and hanging out at the beach; volunteering with many of the philanthropic organizations are all important in living life and in relationships.

A proper combination of sex, friendship, share/care and spiritual growth leads to increased chances of success as love would be seated firmly on the “four legged stool of love”.love real

Indeed, Love is such a lovely thing that sadly, sometimes, we spend a lifetime pursuing it instead of living our lives. Yeah, most of us talk about finding love as if Love is lost and waiting to be found. We join organizations; go church, go clubs, sign up for online social sites and get smart phones all with the intention of finding love, true love. Sadly, many never found love and many have fallen but not in love. In fact so many of us have fallen and broken into pieces after maybe weeks or months of sitting on a stool that has one or two legs. Unconsciously, we fall in and out of love just like the seasons of North America.

Seriously, some of these love failures then go around and break other people’s heart as a hobby. If not careful, we become cold, insensitive and cynical about new “love”. The saddest part is that sometimes marriage and children result from these “love” affairs.

The truth of the matter is that many of us who go searching for love are ourselves loveless. We confuse great sex, or financial comfort with love. Also, we talk about finding our other half as if to say we are not whole beings. The important thing is that whether 25/75 or 99/1, together both partners must complement each other in order to be complimented.

THE FOUR LEGGED STOOL OF LOVE

As seen, we can all say we love but it is hard to determine or even explain Love. Love is a special and complicated emotion that does affect our heartbeat but the emotions and feelings associated with love are found in the brain. It’s the brain and not the heart that generates chemical signals to make us understand love whether platonic or sexual. Does this mean that love or the conditions for love can be created?

Indeed, love or a relationship can be seen as a stool with four important legs to accommodate firm and comfortable sitting above ground. These four important legs that the stool of love do need to be balanced although not necessarily equal. It depends on the terrain or ground on which the stool will be seated.

There are no manuals or how to do booklet on “How to Let Love Last Longer” but a quick look at the four legs of love on which a real love affair stands can be insightful: 1 The mental/spiritual (self); 2) social (friends); 3) Money (economic) and 4) intimate (sexual).

LEG 1. THE MIND – SPIRITUAL (AGAPE) 

The first leg of love is the love for self and fellow human beings. If you don’t love yourself then you can’t love anybody else. This is an unconditional love that sees beyond the outer surface and accepts the recipient for whom he/she is, regardless of his/her flaws, shortcomings or faults. It’s the type of love that everyone should strive to have for self and his/her fellow human beings. A kind of philanthropy or as Thomas Aquinas puts it: “to will the good of another.” It is rooted in the idea of brotherly love, charity; the love of God for man and of man for God.” Although you may not like aspects about yourself and others, you decide to love yourself and him/her just as a human being.

The Greeks called this mental, intellectual and spiritual love Agape.

Leg 2: FRIEND – SOCIAL. (PHILEO)

The second leg of love is the love for a buddy or best friend forever (BFF). The Phileo love refers to an affectionate, warm and tender platonic love. It makes you desire friendship with someone. It goes beyond the love for self or fellow human being.  The Phileo love sees you not just tolerating someone but also celebrating someone. Although you may have an Agape (mental/spiritual) love for your enemies and competitors, you may not have a Phileo love for those same people.

In fact, although there is a common saying that friends don’t have sex with friends, it is uncanny not to be your lover’s best friend. Being a friend with your partner helps create relationships with more commitment, more love and even greater sexual satisfaction. A strong friendship is the secret to a long-lasting romantic relationship as it fortifies the romantic relationship and serves as a buffer against breaking up. Remove this leg of the stool and the relationship gets very rocky. In short, when you and your partner are not having sex or worrying about the bills, frolicking like school kids is delightful.

LEG 3: MONEY – ECONOMICS STORGE

Then there is the third leg of love. The affection of family and friendship. (Storge). Here a couple or persons decide to have togetherness and to take on the world as an economic unit. It is a type of confidant and interdependent love. This is necessary to handle the basic requirements of life such as food, clothing, and shelter. It is a kind of love that members of the family have for each other; or the love that friends feel for each other beyond their social friendship. In some cases, this friendship love may turn into a romantic love relationship.  It’s committed, sacrificial and makes you feel secure, comfortable and safe.

LEG 4: PHYSICAL – SEX (EROS

The fourth leg of Love is sexual or intimate physical love or “erotas” as the Greeks called it.  Eros is a passionate and intense love that arouses romantic feelings; it is the kind that often makes you say, “I love him/her”. It is simply an emotional and sexual love and may not last unless it moves up a notch higher because it focuses more on self gratification more than that of the other person. If the person “in love” does not feel good about the relationship anymore, he/she will stop loving his/her partner.

Whereas most animals have sex for procreation, humans have seen sex evolving beyond reproduction (procreation) to serve additional social functions including recreation. Sex can keep the male around the female and offspring therefore providing help with home and child rearing. This reinforces intimate social bonds that may help in overall survival of the family.  Sex can help get the partners to know and understand each other as well as bring them closer. Touching, caressing, holding hands and any means by which we provide physical comfort to our partner can all be viewed as part of a fulfilling sex life.

Here is the good or bad thing about sex. If you are getting some good sex, sex is not very important in a relationship. It becomes a given. The other three legs become more important: friendship, money and mental. However, if sex is a source of frustration in your relationship and your sex life is unfulfilled, it can easily become a gigantic issue. A weak leg.

ARE YOU SITTING ON THE STOOL OF LOVE?

The four legged stool of love analogy shows that a strong relationship will stand up to the trials and tribulations of common life and set a solid base on which to leave the past, live in the present and step into the future. As individuals, ideally we need to cultivate the love of self, love of friend and love of partners before we consider the love of sex if we want real long term love.love seat cover It is especially advisable for a committed relationship to have all our (4) components (or legs), as it can survive longer and support a great deal more weight. If it has only 3 out of 4 legs, it can still support sitting but there is a chance it will teeter. If a relationship only has 2 legs, it is in grave danger and is likely to topple or fall. In order for a relationship with only 1 leg to thrive it needs a mighty juggling and gymnastic act that most likely will lead to toppling and doomed.

Not that all four legs of the stool need be equal as different people crave different support systems. However, it is important that all four legs be positioned so the stool doesn’t tilt or topple. Then again, are we even seated on all four legs of the stool of love: Self, Friend, Money and Sex?
 NOTCLIF NOTES: This blog is a short version of my ebook “The Four Legged Stool of Love”. Read the full length by visiting http://www.wordfoodmusic.com and signing up for our free email or by simply clicking the eBook cover below. It was inspired by Aneil’s debut single “Let me Be”. Check her out on www.aneilmusic.com.

four legged stool ebook cover pix 3D